Parenting
is probably the most important thing you will ever do. Doing
it well is difficult because there simply is no rule book,
no guide on how to get it right and no one has all the answers.
We learn to parent from our own experiences – how
we were parented, media, TV, our friends, conversations
what we see and hear and think.
When our children are young as parents we organise their
lives and have control; over most aspects – clothes,
friends, sports, TV watching and more. As our children age
they realise that to be adults they need to be responsible
for their lives. When do parents hand over the control over
decision making – when is the magic right time?
Most parents want to protect their child from harm, this
desire invites them to try to have control over situations
that a perhaps a young adult could mange themselves. It
invites parents to control in order to protect. Teenagers
struggle for adulthood is terribly risky and accepting teens
as individuals who will have to make their own decisions
about how to be an adult can be very hard.
Teens must become independent to become adult, just as they
had to learn to walk and talk to grow from baby to child
they have to make decisions to grow from child to adult.
Just as learning to walk was risky and they could fall learning
to make decisions is also risky and they can get hurt. No
parent stops a child from learning to walk so parents must
be encouraged to step back and allow teens to practise decision
making and accepting responsibility for those decisions.
If becoming independent is the task of children, then the
task of parents must be to help their children reach independence
by allowing them to walk (and fall), talk (and make mistakes)
and slowly take control of their lives.
For teens, this struggle for adulthood is terribly risky
because they risk losing the most important thing in their
lives -- the love of parents. At the same time, parents
may feel rejected, hurt and anxious about teens' abilities
to care for themselves. Their struggle is stressful because
everyone cares so greatly about each other.
Accepting teens as individuals who will have to make their
own decisions about how to be an adult in the world can
be extremely hard to do. But the healthy teen will grow
up and do just that. Parents who reject their teen for failing
to follow the parents' plans or who reject some aspect of
their teen's life may find themselves painfully alienated
from this person who they care about so much.
The changing parent/child relationship will encounter some
problems and result in stress in families. Parents can no
longer control every part of their teen's life, but they
can keep the communication lines open and be a positive
example for their teen to follow.
Parenting
is probably the most important thing you will ever do. Doing
it well is difficult because there simply is no rule book,
no guide on how to get it right and no one has all the answers.
We learn to parent from our own experiences – how
we were parented, media, TV, our friends, conversations
what we see and hear and think. 